Last week I chatted about mine and Ruth’s, ‘same situation….opposite reaction’. On the surface, it looked as though we had opposite reactions because the topography was different. So, what we did was different – ie what our behaviour looked like: the output. In actual fact, the function was the same and that is what we need to look in to. When we look at the function of what is going on – whether it be in our marriage, our family, our friendships, our children, our work, our study, our home… whatever it is.
I have had a shift in thinking surrounding goals, vision, aims in life.
I used to see goals as a ‘to-do’ list. What were my goals for 2012? Did I check every one off of the list? Now I see goals more as ‘vision’ and as more relational. Within these I see if my ‘to-do’ list is going some way to achieve that ‘vision’. Ie the steps or output to achieve these.
For example, my ‘goals’ for Annie aren’t that she learns to recognise X number of words by the time that she is 3, that she can read ‘Peter and Jane’ by the end of 2013 or that she can win the sports day race next year. My ‘goals’ for Annie aren’t that she has a play date once a week or can swim 25 metres by her 3rd birthday. My ‘goals’ and ‘vision’ for Annie are that she loves to learn, she can immerse herself in books and love them, that she enjoys people as well as being by herself, discovers who she is and what her talents and abilities are (and perhaps are not) and she is comfortable in her own skin.
Her schooling environment will be one which can support her in achieving all that she is called to be and, if it can’t, we will change that environment to best suit her. I need to support that too in our home environment. With four very different characters in our house and one large dog, that is no easy task either! Annie is an independent spirit with a gusto for life. In training her to help her to be patient, kind and obedient I must be careful not to kill that spirit. To install respect and discipline whilst nurturing her independence in not an easy ‘goal’… I will chat later this month/next month about nurturing talents and gifts!
Building NETwork is another area that is not easy. The vision is easy: to help every child, teen, adult and family who comes to us to be all they can be in life and to treat them as we would desire our own families be treated. In order to do that, there are different things that need to happen: keeping up with the latest research; developing our own research; sharing information with the world; working as a team; working independently… all whilst enjoying the journey and one another. We are a team who are very different characters with vastly different gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses of our own. It is ensuring that, all with the same vision, our ‘to-do list’ and objectives (outputs) are keeping in line with those. For example, Shelley is a wonderful trainer and has an awesome ‘micro’ approach. I have a much better ‘macro’ and, when we do one another’s jobs, we will not be working towards our vision. In our aim to help everybody that we can do to the highest possible standard with the most meaningful outcomes, will it be more effective to work out of a clinic base or in a consultative in-home basis? This answer is the output and the ‘to-do’ to get to achieve the vision, but isn’t the actual vision.
So, if your ‘vision’ for your family is to spend more enjoyable time together, is your ‘to-do’ list of finding a gym class for Annie and a swim class for Zeph going to achieve that? Swimming may be the output needed in order for Zeph and Annie to achieve the goals of enjoying a fabulous holiday together (safety and fun for the children means a much more relaxed mummy and daddy!), but will everybody going to different classes on a Saturday morning be achieving the ‘family vision’. Will a Saturday ‘no contact with the outside world’ be more conducive to your family vision, or working a Saturday so as you can have a six week holiday each summer? Is the activity of painting with Annie to ‘goal’ (ie the final product which is her painting) or the ‘to-do’ to help her to become as creative and intuitive as she can be?
Just some musings for the day as I sit here contemplating goals on my sofa waiting for my babes to wake up from their nap. Thank you for listening to me group my thoughts! I am thoroughly enjoying these, ‘Monday Musings’….